so shoot me

O.k. so here I am - after 2 1/2 months doing another article. I've been busy. Yeah o.k. - sorta busy. Well believe it or not I was just sorta busy. Actually I got paranoid. See, in the past, I have had my words twisted and used against me. Slaundered and mocked, it was not a good time. There for a long time I really just hated my life. Growing up sucked!!!

Well sitting here thinking about writing something - and oh bye the way I will try to send something on a more timely matter - not promising - but will try :-) - anyway I digress.

So, I'm thinking of why I kinda stopped writing and then it occured to me that the reason is the same that I had when i was a kid and stopped writing letters, notes, and basically any written matterial. It's the same old proverb about opening mouth and removing all doubt of your utter stupidity. I am afraid of showing to the world my own failings as a human being. See, if I don't write things and not say things when I could, I leave this mystic about myself. When I do write things or say things then I leave myself open to criticism and mockery and hence the hating of my life. I don't want to hate my life (man it was a bummer) so I remove any reason to do that by not saying or writing things. O.k. makes sense in the short run alrighty.

But you can't do that. You inevitably open yourself up to the criticism and mockery of human treachery no matter what you do or don't do. You have an opinion on everything. No matter how small or how large, right or wrong, up or down. It is an opinion and it does matter. Bottom line though - people will lambast you no matter what you do or don't do. So you might as well go out with a bang.......

And that brings me to my next thought: why do some people actually hate their life? Oh, I know, been there - done that. But take a look at things. What caused me to do what I did probably has greatly increased my awareness upon certain things or items. I do not open my mouth and insert my foot as much as I probably would have (which is a good thing).

Looking back though, there were times when I did just hate my life. Which should be a normal (I feel) lifespan. There are going to be times when life just sucks and you wish it would be different. Job firings, family and friends deaths, divorce, ridicule from peers, yeah these things can just suck up and bring badness all over the place.

But also we must realize that these things also made us for what we are. No two people view the same thing in the same manner. Why is that? Because of what we have gone through in our lifetime. Our experiences have made us for what we are. My experiences have made me what I am today. Your experiences have made you what you are today. Even if you and I have lived through the same exact things all the way throughout life, we would still be different. Still view things in a different manner.

Some take there problems and run with them, growing stronger and more determined. Others let their failings get the better of them and allow them to nurture and fester into an open wound that grows over time to become a big black cloud over their whole life.

That black cloud does have a silver lining - they all do - all you have to do is look for it