Been awhile

Sorry that it has been a long while since last I posted. A lot has happened since march 2007. Lots of chemo, Lots and lots and lots of chemo. A few surgeries and then more chemo. We finally got the news from peoria that the "window of opportunity" was closing. The number keep going up and up.

Our problem was that there wasn't any large tumors showing in xrays etc etc. Basically the "BEAST" we were fighting creates what they call seedlings that float around the body cavity until it lands on something and adheres. Then it creats more seedlings that flake off and floats throughout the body. It is kinda like painting your walls, only it is painting pam's organs.

Finally in October 2007, we decided to check out the Cancer Treatment Center in Zion Illinois. It's just north of Chicago. We were there for 5 days for checkups tests etc etc. Finally they gave us their decision to combat the cancer. 3 days of treatments every 3 weeks with a new type of chemo. They called it Biotherapy. After 3 treatments the CA125 kept rising. They decided to try another type of treatment. Basically the normal type of chemo therapy but a different type of chemicals. Our final trip there was in March 27th, 2008. After being home a week, pam was having problems with her bowels. Calling the doctor at Zion and our regular general practioner, they decided that it would be best for us to go to the hospital in Peoria over traveling back to Zion. I'm not sure at the time Pam could have handled a 4 hour trip to Zion.

We were in and out of the hospital all of april and may. They finally did a colostomy and drained fluid etc. We would go home for a bit and then end up back at the hospital in a couple of days with something else. The last few months was a living hell for her. She was in so much pain and discomfort. All I wanted to do was hold her but I couldn't do that because touching her caused her intense pain. They had her on so much pain killers and then finally morphine, but it still really didn't help. We got the news on thursday that her system was shutting down and it would be just a few more days. She took it without batting an eye. I only saw one tear fall from her eye. One!!!!! That was it. I not to proud to say that I cried. I didn't in front of her, well I tried not to anyway.

Friday night around 2 in the morning I woke up to hear her trying to catch her breath. She was sleeping and i got up and sat on her bed. Held her hand and just cried. She woke up enough to pat my head and tell me that it will be ok. That everything will be alright.

June 1, 2008, sunday morning at 4:30 a.m. she passed. I was holding her hand and watched her stop breathing. My wife for more than 22 years is gone. Her pain and suffering is over.